i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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