But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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