Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
