Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
