Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
