Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
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After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
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hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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