Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
