in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
