Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
