THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
