I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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