That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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