i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
