You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
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I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
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sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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