For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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