How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
