I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
