I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
