I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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