What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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