I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Vodka?
Forever.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
