I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
