Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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