Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize