If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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