I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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