i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
