I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
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You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The feeling are messing with the penis
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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