just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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