dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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