I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
