so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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