im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
