once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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