make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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