She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize