Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
