I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
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The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
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I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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