Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
