The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
