I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
