New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
