Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
