I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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