Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
