Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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