Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My dick has a subreddit
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
