does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
this boner is exhausting
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
