normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
