so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
