You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
