if only i could text you this smell
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
