i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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