she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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