how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
