Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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