Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
