I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
