I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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