its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
