He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
