At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
