i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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