you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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