I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
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You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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