so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.