Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude

  (1-970): View more from Colorado

  You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Shut the hell up.

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  (970): Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude (1-970): You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ? (970): Shut the hell up. http://tfl.nu/g01x
  Replies (38) Good night (950) Bad night (2044)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???

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  (217): How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you??? http://tfl.nu/p9qq
  Replies (175) Good night (3072) Bad night (32800)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?

  (214): View more from Texas

  Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?

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  (903): u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird? (214): Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb? http://tfl.nu/cbow
  Replies (87) Good night (1829) Bad night (5168)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?

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  (317): So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road? http://tfl.nu/ir52
  Replies (23) Good night (10201) Bad night (1219)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.

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  (317): Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy. http://tfl.nu/mg1s
  Replies (14) Good night (1297) Bad night (2805)
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  (347): View more from New York

  They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me

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  (347): They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me http://tfl.nu/nbj5
  Replies (4) Good night (1420) Bad night (701)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen

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  (630): wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen http://tfl.nu/89g2
  Replies (6) Good night (1912) Bad night (663)
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  (209): View more from California

  Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.

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  (209): Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir. http://tfl.nu/1rs6
  Replies (21) Good night (1826) Bad night (1233)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.

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  (563): i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look. http://tfl.nu/aj1z
  Replies (9) Good night (789) Bad night (1045)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.

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  (731): Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze. http://tfl.nu/erxr
  Replies (1) Good night (2282) Bad night (634)
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  (867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

  We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.

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  (867): We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/l33f
  Replies (4) Good night (1016) Bad night (522)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.

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  (804): I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin. http://tfl.nu/8mge
  Replies (4) Good night (1360) Bad night (522)
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  (716): View more from New York

  You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will

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  (716): You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will http://tfl.nu/h8xm
  Replies (3) Good night (884) Bad night (845)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.

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  (734): When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office. http://tfl.nu/5u6k
  Replies (8) Good night (819) Bad night (438)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?

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  (623): How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you? http://tfl.nu/hs2q
  Replies (0) Good night (281) Bad night (666)

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