Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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