ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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