Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
