Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
