you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
