All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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