wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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