I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
