when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
