Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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