I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
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He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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