I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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