Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize