my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
