Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
